What does sex feel like to a transgender woman?

Sex feels good. Sex is essential to happiness and joy and having sex as a woman who has transitioned gender can be deeply satisfying. I can only talk about this from my experience because I don’t know how it feels to anyone else because our bodies are all different and our experience of our bodies is different as well.

For me, I had to teach myself how to have sex with my new vagina. The first was learning how to read my new pleasure map. Now that I no longer had a penis and testicles and I had this new space in my body, a recession into my body that hadn’t existed before, and my body parts had been rearranged and I had to come to learn about how they worked.

So, a couple of things to say, actually lots of things to say about this experience, and again I am only speaking for myself, and it is hard to compare physically my experience to a cisgender woman because I simply have no analog to really understand. I will be drifting around a bit in my answers — so I think that the lining of the wall in a cisgender woman’s vagina is generally much thicker than the lining in the wall of my vagina so i think I really do notice that with penetration. I don’t think it is a problem for having sex, but it is noticeable. I’m just glad I don’t have to push a baby through my vagina because of course I can’t even imagine how it would hold up to something like that.

I also think it is important to acknowledge how our bodies are crafted. I don’t have hips like a cisgender woman and that affects the overall shape and feel of everything on my body. I wish I had hips because I think I would have a better vagina and women’s clothes would fit better. I am drifting from my topic sorry.

So, for me anyhow my vagina generally shrinks and expands like a balloon depending on what is put into it. I think there are a lot of analogs to how it used to function as a penis which I think is why the term penile inversion isn’t a medically inappropriate term because it literally is a penis turned inside out and put into the inside of the body, but I do think that the term vaginoplasty is more medically appropriate and a more sensitive term. Anyhow, so it shrinks, and it expands depending on what is inside of it and how big it is.

I will also say this, having something big inside of me that is absolutely filling up all the space inside of there just feels so gratifying. It is hard for me to completely understand why it feels so good, but I think I understand some of it why and that is because of the way that the surgery was done at least in my case when my vagina is really filled up then it really stretches the clitoris and that tugging and swelling feels so good. I also think that when there is a lot of activity going on down there it also is causing a lot of blood to go to that part of the body because it is swelling and there is an activity, so I think that has a lot to do with why it is feeling so good.

So, another thing the surgeons do generally I think they do for most transgender women is they preserve as much of the erectile tissue as they can from the penis. I don’t know anything about what they do or how they do it. I know there is a real art to it and in some ways, these surgeons, just like most surgeons are the closest experience to god I think a person can have as an already-born person. Like I said I don’t know how they do it but they rearrange your nerves and make something like a cisgender clitoris and they preserve a lot of erectile tissue and all of those things help out so much down there.

I would say that having sex as a transgender woman is a lot more complicated than it was having sex as a man, When I was a man, I put my penis into someone’s body and my penis did all the work and it was a great feeling too. I don’t want to pretend that just because I used to have a penis somehow, I was ashamed of it or that it didn’t feel incredible to have so much testosterone. That was my body, and I couldn’t help that it was a working body. It doesn’t change the fact that I had always wanted to be a woman ever since I was five and that from the first time I saw a transgender woman when I was six I knew that was my life’s direction.

The other issue that I have heard questions about is still having a prostrate after surgery and how that works. I think in this way trans women probably have a little bit of an extra kick that maybe cisgender women don’t have. Yes, I think it is true that the prostrate shrinks a little bit but it is still there and it still feels so good.

Before I transitioned I never had anal sex so I don’t know if having a vagina is basically stimulating the same way that anal sex does for a gay man but I definitely learned to appreciate my prostrate so much after transition because I basically orgasm two ways, through my clitoris and through my prostrate, and both kinds of orgasms are just what the word implies — a release, a wonderful, gratifying, joyful release stimulated by penetration and vibration.

So that is a little bit of what it is like. There is also some persistent soreness initially that I think cis women probably don’t have but I don’t really know that. I just know that it always takes a few minutes to wake up my vagina and maybe that is just because of my kind of surgery. Also, my body doesn’t self-lubricate, I don’t know if some people do have a vagina that self-lubricates. I know that for most cisgender women that can be a very nice experience but alas I will always need KY Jelly or even body lotion or palm oil. I really love palm oil it is one of my favorite lubricants.

I have also heard transgender women write about how much of a pounding a vagina can take. It is one of my favorite things about having a vagina is how much penetration it can take and how long it can take, but again I don’t think it is necessarily all that different from having a penis. I know that a penis can go for a long time as well, especially after the first one or two orgasms a penis can stay hard for a long time before it climaxes again. I think what I am trying to say as an ending is that this has really helped me to understand how similar our bodies really are, men and women, and how much of what our bodies are designed to do on an evolutionary basis is just differentiated by a few adjustments this way or that.